the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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