there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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