So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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