I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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