before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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