Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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