i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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