I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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