ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
