It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
