So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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