If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
