i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
