i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize