Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
