There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
