i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
