you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
