Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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