you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
