Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
