Hey man sorry I got all grabby
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize