they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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