it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
