We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
