Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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