I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
