yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
