so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
