if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
