he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
