Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
