well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
