saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
