just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
