There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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