Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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