$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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