and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
