4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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