I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
