do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
