I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
