I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize