If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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