god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
