The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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