Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
