She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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