i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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