its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
