U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
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well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
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Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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