i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
