The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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