Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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