Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
