Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
