Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
