She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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