i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
