whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
