I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Sorry about my life...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
